Dear Santa,
It's your pal old Tiger here? Are we still on to play 18 at the North Pole Country Club on the 28th?
I wanted to write you to give you a heads up my wife went through my phone and might be calling you soon! Can you please take your name off your voicemail? Huge favor! No one needs to know what we did with the elf's,reindeer, and girls on your naughty list. I know you warned me and I should of listen but i didn't!
Come on Santa baby do me a solid and help me out with my Christmas list will you?
First off i want Peace on Earth& Good Will to man and no more effn voicemails! Yours and that bitch's Jamie Grubbs is going to cost me my marriage to the hot gold digging slut i hate. GET FUCKING RID OF EM!
Next can you please give me my endorsements back? If I am not careful Elin is going to get half my shit! I need to start stashing some cash away. You Know what I'm saying!
And while your at it give me my career back too! A year off to work on my marriage my ass! Playing golf would be a great distraction from all this nonsense.
I also need a the industrail size box of trojans, a home aids test and hitman.
You the best pal ever Kringle
Tiger
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
How the BCS Grinch Stole Football Season
Every Football fan in College Football land liked college football a lot
but the BCS Grinch who lived in BCS Cyber Land did not
Now the BCS Grinch hated all football season please don’t ask why no one knows the exact reason.
It could be because he hated a good ball game or it might have been of his tiny BCS Grinch brain. “No one wants to see the best teams in the land; I would rather see a USC team with a record of 9-3.” The BCS Grinch proclaimed.
When it looked like a mighty team from the west might make a legitimate claim to the coveted BCS title The BCS Grinch’s tall long frame and vital organs started to violently shake! “They are not a media darling!”The evil Grinch said snarling “How could they play for what is at stake? There is no way they are the best team in BCS Cyberland! They are just a small school from the Lone Star State! They couldn’t be that great!” “I can see it now” the BCS Grinch did howl.” Football fans both young and old cheering on a team with a mascot of the toad.”
Cheering, Cheering, Cheering for a team with no national appeal. No sir this was not a good deal! The BCS Grinch thought to himself. He would have to come up with a dastardly plan to put these TCU Frogs on the college football land shelf. Yes indeed he would ruin this college football season! Then a light bulb went off above this evil creature’s head. It would be a cinch to pull off this treason. He must keep the purple klan away! Everything shall remain cookie cutter and the same in BCS Cyberland.
If the Frogs got to play for the national title all hell would then break lose. The next thing you know The Boise State Broncos would be giving the BCS Grinch the college football blues. Or maybe the Bearcats of Cincinnati would be the next team to play in his beloved BCS Cyberland! The BCS Grinch was going batty! This TCU problem must be nipped in the bud. The BCS Grinch would stop this team in cold blood
The BCS Grinch knew just what he would do! He would bribe a SEC official or two. A couple of bad calls who would notice? As long as The BCS Grinch kept Florida University a undefeated he didn’t care who he cheated. The Gators they are the team you see on ESPN and they are the ones that kept the money coming into BCS Cyberland. You see this BCS Grinch was a very greedy greedy brute
His despicable design went off without a hitch. Another off Season of listen to the masses of college football land bitch. TCU even though 12-0 didn’t get to the Championship Game in BCS Cyber Land! To the lowly Orange bowl the Frogs would go so they wouldn’t interrupt the flow of money that came in to BCS Grinch’s Cyber Land.
On January 5th the sinister BCS Grinch beast decided to sneak down to a bar and mingle with the fans in College Football Land. To his surprise the cheering didn’t cease! The beer was flowing and there was no crying and moaning. The Horned Frog Fans kept on yelling and screaming even though their team was playing in a nonsensical game. To the Grinch this was totally insane. He thought he had ripped out the heart and crushed the spirit from that little school from the Lone Star State. They just kept on playing with school pride, love, passion, mania and rage and for the fans of college football land.
The Grinch stood wondering and wondering how could this be so? He stood there and wondered until his wonder couldn’t wonder no more. The Grinch plan had backfired he didn’t ruin College Football season! The people had shown The BCS Grinch something that day and when he left he came to a conclusion that you shouldn’t rig a College Football season for your own selfish reasons! Who knows what happen next but the people say his tiny BCS brain grew three sizes that day. But the BCS Grinch would not let this go! He must let everyone know that this was a problem that had to be solved and he knew what would be involved. A press release would make the rounds and the top eight teams would be tournament bound! A playoff would start the very next year because it’s right and fair! The BCS Grinch then disappeared but he swore up and down that he would never again ruin a great team’s incredible football season.
but the BCS Grinch who lived in BCS Cyber Land did not
Now the BCS Grinch hated all football season please don’t ask why no one knows the exact reason.
It could be because he hated a good ball game or it might have been of his tiny BCS Grinch brain. “No one wants to see the best teams in the land; I would rather see a USC team with a record of 9-3.” The BCS Grinch proclaimed.
When it looked like a mighty team from the west might make a legitimate claim to the coveted BCS title The BCS Grinch’s tall long frame and vital organs started to violently shake! “They are not a media darling!”The evil Grinch said snarling “How could they play for what is at stake? There is no way they are the best team in BCS Cyberland! They are just a small school from the Lone Star State! They couldn’t be that great!” “I can see it now” the BCS Grinch did howl.” Football fans both young and old cheering on a team with a mascot of the toad.”
Cheering, Cheering, Cheering for a team with no national appeal. No sir this was not a good deal! The BCS Grinch thought to himself. He would have to come up with a dastardly plan to put these TCU Frogs on the college football land shelf. Yes indeed he would ruin this college football season! Then a light bulb went off above this evil creature’s head. It would be a cinch to pull off this treason. He must keep the purple klan away! Everything shall remain cookie cutter and the same in BCS Cyberland.
If the Frogs got to play for the national title all hell would then break lose. The next thing you know The Boise State Broncos would be giving the BCS Grinch the college football blues. Or maybe the Bearcats of Cincinnati would be the next team to play in his beloved BCS Cyberland! The BCS Grinch was going batty! This TCU problem must be nipped in the bud. The BCS Grinch would stop this team in cold blood
The BCS Grinch knew just what he would do! He would bribe a SEC official or two. A couple of bad calls who would notice? As long as The BCS Grinch kept Florida University a undefeated he didn’t care who he cheated. The Gators they are the team you see on ESPN and they are the ones that kept the money coming into BCS Cyberland. You see this BCS Grinch was a very greedy greedy brute
His despicable design went off without a hitch. Another off Season of listen to the masses of college football land bitch. TCU even though 12-0 didn’t get to the Championship Game in BCS Cyber Land! To the lowly Orange bowl the Frogs would go so they wouldn’t interrupt the flow of money that came in to BCS Grinch’s Cyber Land.
On January 5th the sinister BCS Grinch beast decided to sneak down to a bar and mingle with the fans in College Football Land. To his surprise the cheering didn’t cease! The beer was flowing and there was no crying and moaning. The Horned Frog Fans kept on yelling and screaming even though their team was playing in a nonsensical game. To the Grinch this was totally insane. He thought he had ripped out the heart and crushed the spirit from that little school from the Lone Star State. They just kept on playing with school pride, love, passion, mania and rage and for the fans of college football land.
The Grinch stood wondering and wondering how could this be so? He stood there and wondered until his wonder couldn’t wonder no more. The Grinch plan had backfired he didn’t ruin College Football season! The people had shown The BCS Grinch something that day and when he left he came to a conclusion that you shouldn’t rig a College Football season for your own selfish reasons! Who knows what happen next but the people say his tiny BCS brain grew three sizes that day. But the BCS Grinch would not let this go! He must let everyone know that this was a problem that had to be solved and he knew what would be involved. A press release would make the rounds and the top eight teams would be tournament bound! A playoff would start the very next year because it’s right and fair! The BCS Grinch then disappeared but he swore up and down that he would never again ruin a great team’s incredible football season.
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