March Money Madness

If you’re from a family of degenerate gamblers like I am, you must love March. It brings out even the rarest of gamblers to fill out the “Sacred Bracket!” One gambler once said, “It’s immoral to let a sucker keep their money and the suckers are everywhere this time of year!”
Yes, you will get “that chick” who knows nothing about sports and makes her picks based on team mascots or team colors, which takes down your entire office pool. There’s nothing you can do about it. I’ve always chalked it up to Karma. I’m sure she’s saved the whales or didn’t tell the boss’s wife about their hot steamy affair or maybe she even performed some other miracle deed throughout the year. The Karma police have to pay her off somehow, so why not in March?

Not to be a braggart, but I’ve won brackets 3 out of the past 4 years! Last year was my exceptional year; I won both pools that I was in. Thank you Villanova! Not to put fear into my fellow players, but I should win this year too. Once again, I’ll chalk it up to Karma. Last week, I ate dinner with a very unattractive blind date and didn’t even disappear into the bathroom early! I also used self-restraint and didn’t make an inappropriate comment when “lots of love” shoved her fifth slice of pizza pie down her face. This is a fair warning to my fellow bracket players, there’s a whole lot of Karma coming towards this guy - A WHOLE LOT! Oh by the way Misty, you’ll never hook me up again! Your idea of
real cute and the real definition of cute are NOT in the same ballpark, or bracket as it may be! Check Webster.com before you describe a friend as “attractive and fun.” You should’ve just said she was “nice”. At least then I would know what I was working with.
5 TIPS To Winning $
in March Madness:
1) Never bet against a streak! It’s the oldest rule in gambling and very true for March Madness. If a team is hot, put them in the Elite 8.
2) Limit your upset. You and the online experts don’t know which 12 seed is going to upset a 5. It will happen, but when you take your guess, have the 12 losing in the second round. If you take them too far, kiss your bracket good bye.
3) Don’t take all #1’s in the Final Four. It has only happened once in the past 20 years. Mix in a 2, 3 or 4 seed.
4) Big schools are not always successful. Just because it is a huge school with a great football program, doesn’t mean they will go deep.
5) Don’t pick with your heart. If you are a UT or A&M graduate don’t pick them to win just because you have a diploma on the wall. I see more people blow their brackets with this one. We get that you have school spirit! Good for you! However, you should stick to wearing your windbreakers on casual Fridays and not picking them to go deep in your bracket.
Good luck and Happy March Madness