Hey Wild Mary

This is The Burb Article for June! Check out http://theburbnews.com for more cool stuff! Happy Reading!

Hey Wild Mary
So - I had a dream last night that I was playing poker with God. Hey - don’t judge me! Anyway, it was me and the Big Guy sittin’ around playing no-limit hold’em. Early in the game, I rivered a nut flush! Go Lar! I look down to check my hole cards - then look back at the table and God had changed the game to UNO! WTF??? Seriously, I was about to call BS, which was an extremely risky proposition given that I was asleep and wanted to eventually wake up! Then I realized: Hey, this dream wasn’t God’s way of telling me to stay off the poker tables and stick to playing UNO. It was his way of telling me to get my A** to Vegas or… at least write about it in theBurb.
June is a great Vegas month! The pools are hopping and The World Series of Poker is in town. And, you have those Crazy Vegas Summer Nights. Like me 10 years ago, almost getting hitched to a woman from Chicago after knowing her for 3 hours. Are you wondering how I could remember this date with such precision? Well because this “almost shot gun wedding” was on my 21st birthday. Yes, this is a true Crazy Vegas Summer Night story!
With Marie (The Burb’s Publisher) asking me about my column every freakin day, all the quotes from the Hangover flick - and let’s not forget to mention that God and I recently played a hand of poker – It seems more than obvious that I should DEFINITELY be giving out some Vegas Tips. Just in case you happen to make it out there this summer…
1) The Las Vegas Club Baby! — The Strip is fun, and even entertaining at first, but most of the service at the big hotels down there is God awful! (I eventually won the poker game with God and I get to use his name any way I want…even as an adjective). Check out the sites if you’ve never been, but stay downtown at The Las Vegas Club on Freemont Street – it comes highly recommended. The first time I walked into that place, many years ago, a bartender named Polo who worked there, invited me and my buddy to go fishing on his boat. We got our meals comp’d and the staff
was outstanding! I love that place! If you’re the type that needs the prestige of staying at a big strip casino, then there’s simply nothing I can write to make you change your mind. BUT, if you want excellent service and a great time, then think Las Vegas Club, Baby!
2) Seven come Eleven! — Play some table games. I know a lot of people who for some reason or another are intimidated by the tables. There’s no game funnier to watch and more fun to play in the casino than Craps! The money comes and goes so fast, it’ll make you sick. It’s an incredible rush. My mom and ex-girlfriend always had fun on the Roulette table. Roulette was never my thing. Blackjack is a nice way to kill an evening with friends. A lot of people go in on the BJ table with the “I’m going to lose” mentality, so that’s entertainment in itself.
If you’ve always wanted to play the table games, but have been scared to either A). Buy a “how-to-gamble for dummies” book and go play during the down time at The Casino. Or B). Foot the bill for your old pal Larry Stanley to go to Vegas with you. I’d personally hold your hand and teach you any game you want to learn!
3) Eat drink and be Wild Mary! — In Las Vegas you can find great food and drink everywhere! Not the watered down, “it takes an hour to get back to my table” drinks, either. Get out and explore! You’ll have some fun. Hey, I’d never have found the Las Vegas Club if I hadn’t left The MGM Grand. And very important….GUYS, stay away from “Circus Olay!” Yeah, I fell for that once. I wanted to slit my wrist when the fat grown man in the diaper, dressed like a baby was being chased by a clown in a midget car, that’s a little too much “Wild Mary”.
So - there you go degenerates! Go enjoy your stay in Sin City! Tell them God and his poker muse Larry sent you!

Hate mail goes here: Larry@BigBadSportsDaddy.com



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