Dear Santa,
It's your pal old Tiger here? Are we still on to play 18 at the North Pole Country Club on the 28th?
I wanted to write you to give you a heads up my wife went through my phone and might be calling you soon! Can you please take your name off your voicemail? Huge favor! No one needs to know what we did with the elf's,reindeer, and girls on your naughty list. I know you warned me and I should of listen but i didn't!
Come on Santa baby do me a solid and help me out with my Christmas list will you?
First off i want Peace on Earth& Good Will to man and no more effn voicemails! Yours and that bitch's Jamie Grubbs is going to cost me my marriage to the hot gold digging slut i hate. GET FUCKING RID OF EM!
Next can you please give me my endorsements back? If I am not careful Elin is going to get half my shit! I need to start stashing some cash away. You Know what I'm saying!
And while your at it give me my career back too! A year off to work on my marriage my ass! Playing golf would be a great distraction from all this nonsense.
I also need a the industrail size box of trojans, a home aids test and hitman.
You the best pal ever Kringle
Tiger
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