No Jalapenos at THE AAC

Sitting at work Monday afternoon I got a surprise call from my friend Duck. Our mutual friend had an extra ticket for the big Western Conference showdown between The Mavs and The Nuggets that night! The instructions were clear meet him at Big Mike Wallace's place at 6:30 for the 7:30 tip. Done and Done!


I was excited! One of the best things about catching a live sporting event is the food! My personal favorites are hot dogs and nachos! On the ride over to big Mike's I had made up my mind his was going to be a Hot Dog Monday. I meet the crew at Mike's trendy townhouse in The Cedars neighborhood of Dallas right at 6:30. Our Mavs crew for the evening was going to be Big Mike Wallace,his girlfriend Gracie,his college buddy Wasiff, The Duck and myself. Two beers and some NCAA bracket conversation later we had figured out our riding situation. Mike Gracie and Wasiff would take one car and Duck and I would take his jeep.

On the way over to the AAC my stomach started growling and i realized I haven't had anything but a salad to eat that day. It was as if The Duck read my mind when he said "I'm starving!". "Me too and I have to piss really bad!" I guess slamming those to beers at Mike's had consequences.

On the two mile long trek up to The American Airlines Center from the $10 parking lot we passed the time we chatter about what a pain in the ass it would be to live by the AAC on game nights. If you ordered a Pizza it would take two hours to get there! As we passed a street musician belting out jazz notes on his sax Big Mike reached in his pocket a threw him his spare change. Finally after fifteen minutes we reached the pearly gates of Victory Park and were ready to take in some Mavs ball!


As we entered like any sporting event the lines for concessions were way to long for me to even think about bothering with. First thing was first I had to find the nearest restroom and go empty the bladder. It was a little tough fighting through the crowd but it was a successful mission.

Smelling the food as I walked down the crowded hall back to my seat only made the hungry pains worst. No way was I getting in one of those lines and missing the tip though. I did pass a lonely beer vendor selling his product in between section and picked up a Bud Light. (shameless plug for our friends at Ben E Keith). That solved that problem.

The game started off great! The Mavs jumped off to a big lead and were out hustling the Nuggets! The crowd was lively and energetic! It seemed like the first quarter went by in no time. With two minutes left in said quarter my beer was empty and I was ready to eat the ass end out of a menstruating whale. Time to check the lines! When I made the walk up the stairs and turned the corner I knew I was good! Foot Long hot dog here I come!

Waiting behind the two people in front of me the number one combo kept jumping out. It was two beers,garlic parmesan fries and foot longer for $24. Anywhere else this would seem ridiculous but sporting event prices and my growing hunger pains made it look fair to me! At around 8pm I was handed my combo and life was good or so I thought. I had a foot long chili cheese dog in hand that could use some work.

I then turned my attention to the condiment cart located behind the State Fair concessions stand where I just purchased my grub. I had to do a little balancing act with two beers a foot long chili dog and some fries on a tray that wouldn't hold a chicken nugget but I made it work. I got to the cart with out an incident. Then I added ketchup to the fries and mustard to the dog. Next it was time for some onions and last but not least jalapenos. I know you are thinking it might be strange that I eat jalapenos on my dogs but I do. It's a Texas Thing deal with it! The bigger issue was there were not freaking jalapenos on the Cart! WTF?(shameless plug # 2 Read Steph's WTF blog here on BBSD on Fridays)

I had to have jalapenos on my dog! I ask the guy working at the Beer cart next to me where I can get some. He went to ask some one in concessions. He came back and told me "We are out of Jalapenos". I thought to myself about hitting him in the jaw for saying such a dreadful thing but quickly thought better of it. "How can you run out of jalapenos?" I asked. To which he replied"I think he just doesn't feel like looking for them". Even better shitty customer service at a sporting event! Great! "You can go downstairs and check on one" he said. I said "Thank You" but I was thinking something else! Go to one! Go to one! It was a miracle I made it back this far without dropping the tray or spilling a beer!

I begrudgingly made my way back to my seat with out God's peppers on my dog! It didn't matter to me that Dirk was on his way to a triple double or The Mavs were blowing out The Nuggets and close to locking up the two seed in the West. Hell it didn't even matter to me the cute girl behind me was talking about being lonely and single and having big boobs. This night to me would always be the night The AAC ran out of Jalapenos!.

Send your mail to
larry@bigbadsportsdaddy.com

PS

I got the big boob lonely cute single girl's number! Her name is Laura and she's from Forney!!! YEE HAWW!!!!

Takes that don't Suck

F U Kansas! I was in line to win back to back bracket pools until you had to go and lay down to North East South West Iowa junior college and ruin my bracket! Can you name the only good thing to come out of Kansas? Me either! Even Mrs Kansas in this pic is the ugliest one!


Thank you Mavericks for getting us to baseball season! As a realist I still don't see anything that leads me to believe that you can play with Denver or LA. As a fan I want you to prove me wrong. Can you? Doubter! You need a thing called heart and your team has none. Where is the fire, the passion, the desire to win? It's not deep in the heart of Texas this year for sure! Yeah the winning streak was nice but can you repeat it? Not in 2010! How lucky are you that Golden State has no chance in hell of making the playoffs this year and seeing you out in Round 1?


Texas Rangers this is your year! I have never been this pumped up during spring training! You have the talent now it's time to execute! Win the West. Tell Ron Washington and Josh Hamilton we are bringing the nose candy when you do!


Jerry Jones oh I wish we could trade you for two number ones!


Dallas Stars go away already! No one cares that you are here! No one cares about the NHL anymore! Figure out a way to trick up your sport or disappear! Your programming is interrupting my favorite radio station way to much these days!


Direct your hate mail to
larry@bigbadsportsdaddy.com

"and if you have a take don't let it suck"- Jim Rome

Blue Mountain State

I know Justified and The Pacific both started this week and they are both on my DVR. Trust me I will give them both their due attention as soon as time permits. However the show I am watching that your not is Spike TV's Blue Mountain State! If The Program met Porky's and they went out for a drink and conceived a love child it would be BMS!


The show is about Alex Moran, He is a back up QB who has no desire to start. He is on the football team just to party and get laid! Not that there is anything wrong with that.

BMS is full of Howard Stern type humor. The jokes run from Oreo ASS Races to an old cougar hungry for ball players to star running back's girlfriend who will sleep with everyone but him including NFL scouts to a crazy father stealing a used condom to impregnate his daughter. It is over the top, outrageous and damn funny! The promos on Spike TV should be " If you have a penis and like fart jokes you'll love BMS!"

Don't expect the great writing of How I Met Your Mother or the Talent of Two and Half men but for veg TV on a D rate cable station not bad. I'm hooked! Set your DVR's and check it out when you can! Here are some clips

Letter to Jerry Jones

Dear Jerry,

D o you remember in the 90's when America's team was winning Super Bowls instead of being happy with one playoff win in 12 years? Well I do because I am life long fan! I was a fan before you bought the team and I'm sure I'll be fan after your gone! As a fan I have watched you dance around questions and make dumb personal decision after dumb personal decision that has had negative affect on my favorite franchise! How did promoting Dave Campo go? What about letting Sean Payton walk?

Let me ask you this Jerry, How did you win those Super Bowls in the 90's? You drafted the best talent available and you inked every superstar free agent that's how! Well the salary cap is off this year and what have you done? Nothing! I watched Karlos Dansby go to the Big Tuna on South Beach. The Bears got Peps but yet you have done nothing! You might be saying the Cowboys D was #6 overall last year which is pretty good! Well add those two and who is going to score on us ever again? Do you think the Vikes would of hung 34 on The Boys if Peppers and Ware were chasing down old man river? Absolutely not!

OK what about Tony Romo and that big O? So you'll give up a 1 and 3 for Roy "Pants on the ground" Williams but not a 3 and 4 for Anquan Boldin? Or here's a thought maybe you should of called the Cards offered up Tashard Choice and a 3 for Boldin. Then you could of went out and got a workhorse like Thomas Jones to help Barber and Jones carry the load! Yet again you did nothing.


Question: Do you think there is a chance in hell that the Cowboys play in 2011 Super Bowl at your new house?
Answer: No!

The best thing you can do Jerry is keep whoring that place out to help pay for it. Keep showing us everything from college basketball to monster trucks from Paul Mccartney to The NBA All Star game from Taylor Swift to people doing it on the bathroom floor because as of now you are giving us nothing worth watching from your team in 2011! We all know how this story goes

The draft is coming up and all I can do is beg you to make an impact Jerry! Show the rest of the NFL how it is done like you use to! While I may hope and pray that happens the chances are slim to none. J Jones go kick some tires and light some fires and let's get Dallas the bling bling super bowl ring!

Sincerely,
Larry "Life Long Fan" Stanley

PS You can email me at larry@bigbadsportsdaddy.com

Texas Independence Day!

Happy Texas Independence Day! As I celebrate with my Lone Star Beer and bar b que I thought I would take a second and give some of my favorite teams some Texas size advice!




TO The Cowboys: Jesus Jerry! You own America's team prove it! You are no Sam Houston sir! 1 playoff win in 12 years is not acceptable around here! Prove that America and the best Texas team ever is worthy! Bowl or bust Jerry! Or how about this no Super Bowl next year and we will hand you over to the Mexican Drug Cartel! Deal sir? Lately you've been all bust like our hot Texas Women!


To the Mavericks: Go Get Lebron James! Ask yourself what would Davy Crockett do?!



To The Rangers: Every year you suck me in during spring training and I check out around August! You have the Talent! You have Nolan effn Ryan! Now go get that ring!




To The Texas Longhorns: National title or death in 2011!!



And to all my fellow Texans and Good Americans Remember The Alamo